Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Ours by Choice
We are guilty
of many errors and many faults
but our worst crime
Is abandoning the children,
neglecting the fountain of life.
Many of the things we need
can wait. The child cannot.
Right now is the time
his bones are being formed, his
blood is being made, and
his senses are being developed.
To him we cannot answer
His name is "Today."
- Gabriela Mistral
Monday, June 18, 2007
I am sad.
I think I used to be a better person.
Don’t remember when.
I only remember me then.
Lately I have dried up.
Of emotions. Of friendships.
Of some close relations.
I have failed everyone I think.
I have succeeded enough.
I have become cruel.
I can’t cry anymore. Even if I wish to.
I feel like I am walking towards the success with me facing my past.
I want to cry.
I don’t know if I have friends left.
I mean the old ones.
I want to grab all the happy moments.
I want to escape.
Why do I have to face it all?
I can maintain two faces.
One of Dr. Jekyll and other of Mr. Hyde.
I hate both my faces.
I only like my curly hair. Straight as arrow they are.
I despise myself a lot of times.
My behaviour is turning obnoxious.
Losing it.Time to fight.
Monday, June 11, 2007
“More money and only more problems to take care of J” One of these days before sleeping, I was chatting with my mom. We are searching for one more and a bigger house.
I have started inquiries. The other day I asked the builder who is building right across my house. 1000 sq. feet and 1.2 crores! This essentially translates into 12k per sq feet. Hmm….
Well, had it all been white money, I would have thought of (well, honestly only thought of J) applying for bank loan. But then this 70-30 ratio kills me. So back to ground realities and I started thinking of other possible alternatives. Say like searching a good house at some other place. My parents are not so cool with this option. Inertia may be. Mom actually told me that at this age she just cannot think of settling into any other city. Other suburbs she might think of, but then probably I should think again!I am too cool. So I was totally ok with the other options. Till today evening.
I came back today to find aunty staying next door sitting and chatting with my mom. Since I landed earlier than usual, I wasn’t much tired. Also in some time I hadn’t said hi-hello to any neighbours and so I sat there. What followed was amazing fun for next hour or so!
“These guys were just waiting! Whose number is it first!” (I entered middle of a conversational thread. What number? Who was waiting? I had no clue! Later I realized it was about who has the first appointment with god or for that matter devil :P)
“The idea that all of us could be benefited never touched their minds. How my decision is elected final against yours……that was the main concern. Had it not been for that; all of us would have got bigger and architecturally better flat. There have been some stupid pillars climbing right in the middle of house such that you can’t even renovate the house the way you want! (Ohh….topic close to my house, I mean my heart. Or is it that I have started listening selectively?)
The above line of conversation followed for some hour or so J. Long time I had seen my mom engrossed in such kind of gossip. My mom is not much of a gossip person. But it was fun to see her enjoying herself. My presence in the whole conversation was restricted to say “huh?....eh?.....err…….oh yeah……what are you saying bits. But more importantly what I realized was how important could be the factor of neighbourhood in house selection! You never know how much the neighbouring uncle and auntys can mean for an evening chat. Strange realizations stupid things can lead to….
I love my neighbourhood. And I am not so cool after all!